Weekly Spirituality Tip: Instead of saying why is this happening TO me, ask why is this happening FOR me?


This week I want you to focus on Instead of saying why is this happening to me, ask why is this happening for me?

Benefits of not saying why is this happening to me, and saying why is this happening for me, instead:

  1. You’re actively changing your perception of the situation at hand.
  2. It gives you pause for reflection.
  3. This practice also instills gratitude for the situation whether positive or negative.
  4. It can save you from spiraling down into a hole of self sabotage.

My Personal Experience:

So here is an interesting scenario that I’m sure that you can relate to. On this particular morning, I woke up nearly 45 minute before my alarm and tried for 20 minutes to will myself back to sleep. But it wasn’t happening, so I decided to just cut my sleep losses and get up and start my day. 

Everything was going awesome! I spent an hour in my journal with my bujo trackers, sketching my daily tarot draw, and setting up my day. Then I sipped my tea and watched a few youtube videos before getting ready to work. So far a really chill morning that was just what I needed and wanted. 

I noticed what time it was and went in to wake my husband up because I thought that he had missed his alarm. Then I went back to what I was doing to let him have some time to wake up. A bit later a very angry looking beard and disheveled head of hair was staring at me from across the room. I hadn’t seen him there and it startled me. He grumbled snarkily and then went back to bed. 

Much later, after I was watching my last video before getting into work mode, he storms out and hastily sat down crunched over in a chair with his hood up. Not making eye contact with me, but glaring at me, or rather just past me. I asked him what was wrong and a few minutes later I found myself in the deep murky (and quickly turning muddy) waters of a heated conversation. 

I stayed calm and was there for him, until I started hearing rudeness that turned into mean comments, that turned into a blatant attack. There was no empathy, just accusatory anger in his tone and choice of language. 
I damn near lost my composure and started yelling at him. 

But I didn’t.

In between the moments of snippy little phrases that were beginning to slowly, and I mean SLOWLY, become less angry and move towards the long road to calm clear waters again; I found myself, surprisingly in the heat of the moment, asking myself, why is this happening to me?

I had been quiet all morning to let him sleep, I was considerate and came into wake him after his alarm had passed and I knew he missed it, and then I left him to wake up on his own without him feeling like I was getting in the way. Where could I have gone wrong?! Why is he treating me like this with such hatred and disdain this morning? Why is this happening to me?

This is where I would have in the past gone down a spiral of self doubt and sadness. Previously I would let his mood dictate mine and let his emotions bleed into me, until I believed that they were mine. 
Now, I know that I don’t have to pick up someone else’s emotions and wear them. I can be there for them, but not let their mood affect my mood, which has really helped my mental health and prevented me from spiraling out of control into a pit of despair. 

But the most important thing that I changed in my perspective is instead of asking myself Why is this happening TO me? I re-framed that question in my mind and asked myself instead, Why is this happening FOR me?It’s this simple little change in P.O.V. that has saved me countless lost days of depression. AND has given me a radical outlook on seemingly negative or stressful situations. 

So, upon realizing that I was asking myself the wrong question this morning, I corrected my thoughts and started to ponder why this crappy situation with my husband, first thing in the morning, was happening for me? What could this situation give me? What could it teach me? What opportunity was this situation giving me? Why was this happening for me?

The first thing that I realized was that, I was given this chance to practice empathy for someone other than myself. I was also given the chance to practice what we learned in therapy and couples counseling. I was given the opportunity to empathize with his feelings and tell him that I was sorry that my actions indirectly contributed to his disposition. 

And I got was he was saying. It SUCKS. I totally understood him and where he was coming from. 

This was a difficult situation that would have made for a really shitty day in the not so distant past. But I was able to change my perspective. Instead of saying why is this happening to me? I asked why is this happening for me? And that made all the difference. Its all about your perspective, Shift your perspective and you can change your mindset, which is a blessing on any day, good or bad.

things to remember…

  1. Shift your perspective, and a whole other world will open up.
  2. Remember, its about opportunities that are at your feet. Why is this happening FOR me?
  3. This is not easy, BUT it has definitely level me up in life and will move you up too.

Instilling the practice of pivoting away from saying why is this happening to me, toward asking why is this happening for me, can be difficult, but you have a choice and have taken the first step by clicking on this Weekly Spirituality Tip.

By asking myself Why is this happening FOR me, I have found that I am able to remain calmer longer in high stress situations and that I am at peace because I am caring for myself first. That reason alone should be enough for anyone and is enough for me to choose this perspective. In a way, its the practice of opening your own doors instead of waiting for the universe to open them for you. Stop stumbling through the darkness and create the opportunities for yourself. Be the master of your own fate and the master of your emotions. Instead of saying why is this happening to me, ask why is this happening for me?

Have you tried asking yourself Why is this happening FOR me?

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